Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Nobody loves to cook

Long time no blog, I know and I am so sorry to all 4 of my followers, and by 4 I mean three because one of you has followed me twice (thank you for that, makes me feel like this actually is worth it.)
So I have a lot of things to catch up on but first off I must say


The past couple weeks I have been cooking a lot. And I would love to say that its because I'm working really hard on providing healthy meals for the boyfriend and myself, but if you know me you know that's not the case... The fact of the matter is I bought an I phone and some other random crap that I'm sure I didn't need so my Noodle World, Subway, and Togos fund is empty. PLUS I have been at my house a lot so I haven't been able to enjoy my boyfriends dads cooking. Yes we both don't live on our own, whatever. I digress, So I have been cooking and baking a lot. From my chocolate cake with some sorta raspberry jamy thing (Its from Norway I have no idea what it is or what its called, it looks and smells like raspberry jam) to breakfast burritos, to chicken Parmesan, to chicken stir fry tonight.
Delicious cake Brendon  refers to as S.. on a plate

So wrists deep in skin and meat and other stuff while deboneing the chicken breast tonight (Bone in chicken = cheaper.... WINNING!) I had an epiphany. NOBODY loves to cook.... People love to create a yummy meal that happens to, or not happens to, nourish their loved or not so loved ones and feel gratification of doing so because they are praised, but nobody loves to  actually cook. I mean seriously, think about it. Where is the fun in spending ten minutes looking for the corn starch that is not in, next to, or even in the vicinity of the place in the pantry that is marked CORN STARCH, then once finding a container marked corn starch seeing that there is no freaking corn starch or corn or starch in it. And in this ten minutes, forgetting to take out the chicken from the skillet that your cooking it in since you don't have a wok because even after 7 years of not living with your stepmother, who is a chef, you keep forgetting to buy one for your new place of residence. So now the chicken is over cooked.

Then you go to grab some brown sugar to add to your sauce (which thanks to Epic Meal Time tastes like poop because there is no bacon or Jack in it) you are making and find that it is rock hard. So you cut up an apple to put in the brown sugar expecting that placing all of the slices of apple will soften up your brown sugar quicker than one slice, and realize that that isn't doing anything, you still have a brick of hard, brown, sticky sand.

Now don't even start me on the clean up that you realize you have forgotten to do till mid blogging about why nobody loves to cook. You know that fun clean up where you scrub the burnt rice of the bottom of the pan that burnt on in that ten minute starch hunt because you don't have a rice cooker because you forgot to buy one after you moved out of the loving home of a chef 7 years ago? Yea that fun clean up where you step on a piece of uncooked chicken on the floor and don't process that you have stepped on it until it causes you to slip once you have walked all the way across the kitchen then necessitating you to now re bleach every surface of the kitchen just to be safe..... Nobody likes any of this.

You may say, "Wait! There are those famous chefs on TV. They must love to cook."
Well, I have theories about them
Emeril - He does not love to cook, he just loves to say BAM
Jacques Pepin- Does not love to cook, loves to drink wine and make Americans feel uncultured.
Rachel Ray- Does not even care about cooking, she just wanted to see everyone in the world say E.V.O.O. 
And my all time best reasoning
Paula Dean- She does not love to cook, in fact she hates to cook. What happened was one of her boys had a girlfriend who was a horrid mess when she was PMSing so dear Paula started cooking southern comfort food to get her to shut the hell up.  So now Paula is on a personal mission to get every woman on the face of the planet to shut their PMSing yap one calorie at a time.

I think I have proven my point that NOBODY loves to cook.